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Sharing Adoption Advice

I'll be honest. Day 11 was starting out a little slow, folks. I didn't want to seem discouraged, so I waited a little later in the day to post, hoping something would come up.

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My bag of food is mocking me from my back seat, as two more stores we're not collecting food. Seriously, how do you not collect food during the holidays if you're a grocery store? Two weeks ago there was a box in front of my local store. Now it's gone. Along with, apparently, 99.9% of the other stores in our neighborhood. I feel like a dork still carting my meager bag around with me. Not to worry, though, I'm still going to donate it. If all else fails, our Church has an outreach program where they collect food once a month. That's my fail-safe!

I had one small thing this morning: in line at a light on the way to work, a young man was trying to pull out of his apartment building. He was waiting patiently, not trying to cut anyone off, but traffic was terrible, and I saw the guy in front of me (who was the obvious choice to allow an opening) edge up aggressively to make sure that the poor kid "wouldn't get in front of him , by golly!"

So I smiled at him and waved him in front of me. He waved back and eased in. Nobody behind me had the sky fall in on them for having to wait that few seconds, nor did I feel cheated out of pole position in some imaginary race. Life marched on as normal. But I felt good. It was a small courtesy that made someone's day a little easier.

And something else came up that made me pause. I'm not sure yet if this is going to be considered a good deed or if it will end up making me feel awful. So I'm entering it as a possible.

The girl I was talking to last week, who made the offhand joke about adoption?

She brought it up again. Adoption, I mean. And she sounded serious this time, though her intro to the topic made me wince. Again. I won't repeat it here, because now I know she just isn't all that well-versed in adoption.

After I carefully remarked that there we're a lot of steps with an adoption, weighing how I wanted to respond more fully, I brought up that hub and I had, in fact, been through the adoption process. That is true, to a point. We we're on the list of waiting families at our agency before Bean surprised us. So I've been through the whole homestudy process, etc.

I also said I knew many families who had adopted. Also true. I do, and the people I know and keep in contact with are ethical and compassionate adoptive parents.

Anyway, I brought up the idea of reading some books before jumping into the process. I offered to lend her some of the better ones I've come across. I said, kindly but flat out, that there we're challenges inherent in adoption that we're not there with bio kids, no matter how much you loved the kids you adopt. Not necessarily insurmountable, but there nonetheless. I mentioned that there we're extra concerns in many areas of adoption.

She seemed receptive. Like I said, this girl has a huge heart. She's a great mom. She could be a great adoptive parent, too, and I mean that not as some dismissive distinction, but as a compliment to what I see as her potential to take on the added challenge of adoption.

So. I'm going to try and educate her, as much as I can without seeming like a pushy know it all. If she and her family are truly intending to pursue adoption, then I feel I have a responsibility to try my best to help them learn about the reality of adoption before she gets sucked in by some agency "education" with all the substance and depth of cotton candy.

Tied in with this whole idea: how I'm going to make a difference for me, and for K. I have invited friends from work to an event at my house, Bean's birthday party, for the first time. Naturally, K is invited. She's his sister.

At some point, both of these ladies will observe me with K, Bean with K, hear me say "Go to Sister!" or something similar. Will I have the guts to simply say "This is my daughter" when asked? You have to remember that I am not outed at work. But I'm starting to see how that is not respectful to K and not helpful for me.

These are two people from work. I like them. But I love my daughter, and I don't want to hide her.

Please God, give me the courage to stand tall and say "Here's my family, warts and all. And if you don't like it, well, I'm sorry, because they are worth more to me than your opinion is." Please let them be compassionate and kind and welcoming, instead of judgmental and gossipy.

It is incredibly frightening to think I may fail her. What will I say? How will I come across? Will I make her proud of me?

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Posted in Recreation and leisure Post Date 12/20/2016






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