20 years since my dad was taken from us. I'll never forget the sting from such tragic news in my heart. That sting is still there when I remember those days.
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I was always that kid who "didn't have a dad". I was always suffering from the awkward moment of people asking me about my dad, and I had to tell him he died. Usually the person who asked felt horrible, so I had to smile and say "no it's ok..we are fine now." Even worse, is when people asked what happened to him. I usually answered with "he was killed in an accident at work."
It was true, but what really happened was he was accidentally struck by a train at a glass factory he was working at. He was killed instantly they say.
I never saw his body. For that I am thankful.
My last memory of my dad was him sitting in his recliner, eating an egg sandwich before my mom sent him off to work.
My dad was a cool guy. So humble and hard working. He was born with a slight case of Cerebral Palsy, so he faced obvious hardships growing up.. But that NEVER stopped him from playing full on tackle football in high school. It never stopped him from working in construction, or getting out and building things.
He lived in "Gold's Gym" tank tops, cut off jean shorts, and bandanas. He worked out a lot. He was 5'11 and a half.. He always threw that "half" inch in there. He wished he was 6 ft tall.
He was extremely sarcastic. Looking back at old videos, I crack up. Love his sense of humor. All my uncles and aunts have the same
He provided for our family and loved Jesus. He was simple. We definitely weren't rich. But none of that mattered.
So to lose him, was heart wrenching, and heart breaking!! I always asked God why? Why we're we the ones that this had to happen to?
I remember having anxiety and just bottling up my emotions to the point where I had to go to the doctor because of chest pain. I remember at that appointment I began throwing up, because I was having an anxiety attack.
I just couldn't understand why God would let this happen, if He loved me so much like they said
Fast forward a few years. I was 12 yrs old and in church. Watching an African kids choir sing and give their testimonies.
This was the defining moment in my short life. It was there, for the first time, I felt a connection to someone else. They we're from a different culture and background, but they understood what it was like to lose a parent or both.. The pain and heartache. They also understood what it was to accept the love from our Heavenly Father.
In that moment, God spoke to me. He showed me that He would use me to reach kids just like them and just like me.. From the broken places and low places. He told me he would send me far away one day. That's when I knew I would be a missionary one day.
Now, I'll skip all the in between details.. But I have never been so thankful that God took my dad. Do we miss him? Always! But to have him here would be for my own selfish gain, when he is in a much better place now.
God restored my heart and emotions. I now know that He allowed this to happen so I could one day move to NYC or India.. So that I could not only show up and love kids from the poorest of poor places, but that I could relate to them.
I understand the aching of their hearts. My heart also aches with them. I never forget that pain. I cry with them when they cry. I can feel it all And I can point them to our loving Daddy God., and let them know that He loves them and He is enough for them!
My verse for life is Romans 8:28.. He works all things together for the good of those who love Him!
I went thru horrible times growing up. I felt unspeakable pain and abandonment But He saw the future. He saw how it would help shape my life as a young adult. He knew it would benefit thousands of children and their families one day! It was all a part of His plan.. So I could lead others to Him.
I can't believe it's been 20 years without my amazing dad. Sometimes I'll never fully understand, but I love Jesus so much to not care anymore.. And to know that He has worked it all out for my good and for the good of others lives I encounter!
I know my dad is watching me from Heaven and so proud. Probably standing with Jesus and cheering me on
You want to know why I've packed up my bags and moved to India to work among the poorest of poor kids? Now you know. I see myself in each one.. In one way or another.
I dedicate my life for this. To make The love of the Father known Because His love healed me and restored me! And it will heal and restore anyone else who accepts it!
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Posted in Recreation and leisure Post Date 03/08/2017